Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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