You just made me feel so damn special
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
COCAINE IS GR8
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
