Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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