these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
