lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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