My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
