She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
