I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
