the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
