I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
