Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
