We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
