Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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