stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
