bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
