Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
