Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
