first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
