I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
