pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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