How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were trust falling into bushes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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