I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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