North Korea, Best Korea!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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