..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
