I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
