omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
