I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
