Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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