Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
