matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
