went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
