And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
