He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
