I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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