i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
