that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
