Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
