life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
