I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
