so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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