It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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