Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
