A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
