booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i've created a new STD.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
