I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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