I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
