glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
