i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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