dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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