You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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